Reality Check

5 more days in Malaysia.

5 more days of heaven on Earth.

then.. go back to reality.

Exam period is the time when you get all stressed up.

You may not say it, but the only thing on your mind is getting through the exams and hopefully pass with flying colours.

Sometimes, I wished I could go back to when I was in secondary school, when life was pretty easy. I was stressed a bit with SPM but that's just it you know.

now at 22, I have to think about making sure that I MUST get my degree in July and I MUST atleast get a second upper class. First class is not impossible, but it's a bit too tough. my brain capacity may not allow me to do so.

so yes, I am super anxious. it's a different kind of anxiety. the past years, I could say to myself, if I don't pass this, then I'll have a second chance. just do the re-take.

but now.. if I don't pass this, means I have to retake, but graduating in December rather than July. and of course, suffer the consequences of getting mad at by my parents. aiyoo.

scary ok.

i'm just gonna do my best. i have been studying. but i always feel it's not enough.

there's so much that this brain can take.

so, i can only pray for my final 5 months as an MPharm undergraduate student to go as smoothly as possible.

Bismillah.

All the best to everyone going through the stress of exams.

2012.

2011.

No doubt another great year.

owh yeh shit happened too but somewhat negligible.

a lot of good things. a lot of blessings in disguise.

i'm very blessed.

2012 marks the year of me leaving my student life for good.

i'm anxious+excited to see what working life has to offer.

but then again, leaving my student life and the life in UK that I built for 5 years, now that's tough shit.

I'm pretty sure I will be sad as hell.

However, life has to move on and in a way, I'm kinda glad that I'll be back in Malaysia for good.

so 2012. I welcome you with open arms.

Happy New Year everyone!

The Weight Issue

omagad! that's like triple of the old Mischa.

A healthier looking J Hudson.

Throughout my 22 years of life, I don't remember a single moment where I was overweight or obese. I had always been skinny. When I just came into KTJ at form 4, my weight was only 45kg with the height of 5' 6". yes, i was dead skinny. the nickname given was SKELETON. However, I was skinny due to my very high metabolic rate. Some girls in KTJ actually starved themselves to be as skinny as me, and I can never understand how being skinny is attractive. I have always been a big eater, with massive consumption of carbs in my daily diet. I can actually eat like a man. heck, I can even eat more than some guys that I know.

When I started college in Cambridge, I started gaining weight, but very slowly. I came to about 52kg. I looked much healthier. and I enjoy buying clothes even more coz I can actually fit into size 8. I used to be a size 6, and some stores don't actually have that size.

My target weight is 60kg. so up til last summer, i was already 58kg.

i recently checked my weight...

and i'm now 62kg!

I don't know where that 62kg came from, but i'm assuming it is due to the massive amount of food consumption and probably muscle weight from all those intensive netball trainings.

I'm very much happy with my weight now, though.. I realise that it is time to maintain rather than gaining. which is tough coz all my life, my goal was to gain weight.

So, does this mean.. decreasing my food consumption and regular exercise?

anyways, i'm a size 10 now. i can still my old clothes, but u know la. sendat sana sini. perut terkuar and shit like that.not funny.

whatever it is, I think staying healthy is the main thing here. mind you, I get annoyed when HEALTHY LOOKING girls say they look fat and want to lose weight. I can understand perfectly when a fat girl says i need to lose weight, and my response to that would be, that's good coz u should. no, I say this not for her to be accepted by the public, but for her own good health. and you skinny bitches out there, stop wanting to lose weight coz if being called skeleton is what you want, then I have nothing to say to that! and stop scrutinising at every detail of your body.. coz it gets worse everytime you do it. and by doing that you're just deteriorating your self-esteem.

*LOVES*

Highlights of 4th year so far

MSSM AGM 2011

The 4th and last Detention party (it's an annual event)
The Manchester Malaysian Netballers 2011/2012
Dublin Games
and we won our FIRST GOLD MEDALS!
The four awesomeness
Just a happy face! =D

*LOVES*

Week 10

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry I have been neglecting you.

truth is, i have been really busy as usual, juggling both coursework and studies. and of course, social life. and i am getting pretty good at this.

well my previous post seemed a bit depressing.

i was not used to having to deal with 2000-word essays. mind u, i have 3 of them due in next week.

i think I have been managing my time quite well, i refuse to make my life all about studies and coursework. i always love a simple balance between real life and work. and so i did.

2 weeks ago, was at Nottingham Games for netball tournament. if i'm not mistaken, there were about 30 teams, and we came to a third place. not bad huh? considering this is the 2nd year we got medal in Nottingham Games. we lost to the former champion in semi-final. definitely heart breaking, as we came 2nd last year. fought til the end for a 3rd place and we got it.

i became even closer with my netball girls. think it will be worse than break up when i have to leave the team by end of the uni year. =(

MSSM AGM was less than 2 weeks ago, and so it marked my official retirement from MSSM. I stepped down as the official advisor of the society. it was a joy working with the outgoing committee as they actually exceeded my expectations. the new committee seems to be promising and i hope they will improve the society besides continuing the legacy that we have passed down from year to year.

it has been a wonderful journey and now the first term of final year is almost coming to an end. my biggest fear right now is not doing well for my first term exams. i am going to Malaysia regardless, coz I need a break and obviously i need to see my dear niece who's almost 7 months old now.

job application is not going so well. i only got a community pharmacy pre-reg placement, but i'm not too keen on it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... it is very likely that i will be going back to Malaysia for good. i think 5 years in UK is enough. it's time to go back and serve the country and hopefully start a great working life there. moving back to my home country sounds like a bliss, but... i'm thinking how the hell am i suppose to pack all the shit that I've accumulated for the 5 years? owh eff.

*LOVES*

And so I hardly have time for myself

I really thought third year was busiest year we'd ever have.

owh no. i was wrong.

Fourth year is the SHIT.

the shit. i swear.

I'm in uni every weekday. 9 to 5 is pretty normal nowadays.

I'm always high on adrenaline due to my busy schedule that's why sometimes I don't stop working til when it's my time to go to sleep. thankfully, I'm not insomniac.

I have 6 modules in total this semester. on top of that, I have a whole year project going on, and also presentations and coursework due.

I am trying to keep myself up-to-date with all the lectures, so I revise on daily basis.

and when you think weekend is for me to get a good rest, oh no no. u got that wrong.

weekend is netball time. we have 4 hours of training every weekend. but when it comes to netball, i don't really complain coz i enjoy every minute of it.

newsflash, my team won our first gold medal at Dublin Games! that was my first gold medal after playing on the same team for the past four years. Alhamdulillah.

on a lighter note, last weekend was a short getaway. We went to Dublin and I instantly fell in love with the city. Irish people are amazingly nice and GOOD-LOOKING TOO. Had a great bonding time with my teammates, and I just realised how close we've become. I think since we had new players coming in last year, the team became more lively and close. good times!

so we conquered Dublin. our biggest game of the year, Nottingham Games is in 2 weeks time. I'm sooooo excited for this! since we enjoyed our bonding time so much, we decided to drive down to Nottingham and stay for a night there. hope Nott Games will be another success. Amin.

owh I kinda got a job offer here. when I said "kinda", it means i got the job provided that I get my visa sorted first. well, UK government's being a pain in the ass with the new policy. so will see how it goes.

*LOVES*

Manchester and 4th year

been wanting to update my blog long before i board the plane back to manchester but unfortunately been quite busy until now.

so I arrived in Manchester on the 14th.

unpacked my boxes and luggages the day after.

had a small bbq with the MSSM committee on 16th.

went down to London for Nadia's birthday on the 17th and stayed there til 20th morning.

London was good. I loved the weather. then came back to gloomy Manchester.

Fourth year just started 4 days ago.

and i am so looking forward to the pile of work that I will have to do all year round.

owh.. i'm staying with Kaizan and Francesca in a private student accommodation. our apartment is pretty cosy and my room is as big as my room in Malaysia. or maybe bigger. pretty cool. been buying some stuff to decorate my room so that it's not too empty.

I miss my family, friends and cats and I probably had the worst homesick recently (coz I never had homesick). I have to blame this on my niece coz i miss her the most. argh.

life in Manchester ain't too bad. but i can't help feeling a bit empty without Nadia around. i went to London and for the first time in 2 years I didn't stay at Aina's. my God. i swear it's such a big adjustment for me. but i think i'm adjusting well. I haven't shed a tear yet (I tried) so I think I'm OK.

i'm also scared for fourth year. I have a project which consists of researching etc and it's a whole year thing. I want to get first class for my MPharm degree but it means giving up my social life. gah.

Applying for work is a bitch too coz i'm a friggin international student and you British peeps don't wanna hire ME!

I JUST REALISED THIS IS A DEPRESSING POST. LOL.

Sorry guys!